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Monday, January 4, 2010

3 Chronicles Zee

So yest we dined at the newly-opened Trident in BKC. Some fancy Italian restaurant out there. Nice place/ though the food itself was terrible (try feeding a full grown full blooded hungry male some 20 grams of pasta for 750 bucks and you will know). But really/ I don’t know if there are actually that many connoisseurs out there who would really appreciate fine cuisine and delicate flavors. A touch of cinnamon/ a sprinkling of asparagus/ a largely empty plate with some adventurous sauce frizzed across (connecting the two lone morsels of food on either ends of the plate) – get what I mean? But we Indians are just VFM folk – just give us maximum morsels per money I say! (we say!) Indian or non/ I have never figured out how all these supposed connoisseurs of fine dining end up filling their tummies. I mean/ they have to have an appetite/no? Or can they subsist on dashes and touchĂ©s and gratings and sprinklings? I bet your ass they come home after/ and tank up on the calories through good ole NestlĂ© Maggi or Tesco Microwave-re,ady Pasta meal for two! Yum.

But to get to the punto. (I know from Fiat that Punto is Italian for point and Linea Italian for line. Encyclopedic knowledge of cars helps somewhere!).
To get to the punto…
So after teasing our tummies at the Trident/ we went pub hopping/ and flitted past this chic place called…umm…let me see/ Zinza? No that’s not it…was it Zizou? Zozu? Not quite…hmm…Zenzi!! The place was called Zenzi. Ain’t it awesome? Go on/ roll the name around your tongue and check out how it feels. Can you feel the woody texture of the twin Zees/ the smoky samurai-ey evocation of the Zen / the full syllable-ization? (warning: wine tasting classes are harmful to wannabe bloggers).
Don’t get me wrong/ I do think with that name the Zenzi chaps have latched on to something good. Don’t know about you/ but names with Zees and Xs seem to me nice choices for nightclubs. Don’t ask me why – an etymologist is the dude you go to for scientific mumbo-jumbo. I will just speculate here. Guess it all started with the clothes line ‘Zod!’. Or maybe not/ but atleast my awareness of the coolness of Zee started with Zod! (I am not being like Archies comics where each statement ends with a ‘!’/ it is actually Zod with an ‘!’. BTW I kid you not/ each and every statement in Archie’s comics ends with a ‘!’)
So assuming Zenzi’s owner were similarly enamored with Zee/ lets see how he would have gone about thinking up a cool name for his place.
OK/ I am gonna build a cool nightclub in Parel (it is in Kamla mills but mills are hep nowadays so no worries). Got the place/ got the green/ now lets get a name. Chhotu (the sidekick)/ we gotta be really chic…I mean/ here we got (at this stage not yet invented) hep names like Zenzi/ and you think I could settle for something staid like Rodas? Bet your ass not! It has to be with Zee get it? OK/ here goes

Zizou? Far too oriental.
Zoozoo? Is taken by Vodafone; besides/ doesn’t sound chic to say ‘we are off to Zoozoo’. Doesn’t help its case that it rhymes with Susu! Not to mention it’s weirdly Junglee.
Hmm Junglee? Doesn’t ooze enough class. Too Andheri.
Zanzibar? Too African I say. I guess it’s still a nice idea for a lounge bar/ perhaps not for a nightclub.
Zouv? Difficult to pronounce/ and a shade of the French? Still/ could work so let’s keep it on standby.
Zara? Reeks ethnic wear
Zune? Monosyllable. Besides/ didn’t Microsoft have a gaming console called Zune/Xune?
Zuno? Rhymes with Bruno (yuck!)
Zenzi? Hmm…sounds hep! Go on Chotu/ roll the name around your tongue and check out how it feels. Can you feel the woody texture of the twin Zees/ the smoky samurai-ey evocation of the Zen / the full syllable-ization blah blah? Zenzi it is. Lets build the signboards – quick!
Thought experiment done/ let me continue with the Zee experiments for the day that I am gonna build a nightclub …
Zion. Wow. Chimping cool name for a nightclub. Same full syllable-ization. Plus/ brings up visions of Neo/Trinity and Morpheus. Cant go wrong with this one. Taj Lands End are you listening?
Zouv. Our friend kept it on standby/ thinking it has a shade of the French. It actually sounds Russian. And that’s good. Russian nightclubs are greatly admired world over (apart from when they go up in flames that is). I am sure Zouv would be a great place. Dream it…Tulsi Mills location (can it get hipper?!)…Russian dancers for effect…house drink Absinthe (that green alcohol with some 70% concentration)…Zenzi would be raped by Zouv! I gotta sell this idea to a VC!
And how is Zavi? No/ Xavi! Yep/ Xavi is cool too. Maybe not for nightclub/ but sits well for a restobar. Try it: ‘We are going to Xavi’. Say what/ I bet it sounds cooler than the name Titan gave its range of ‘Swiss’ watches: Xylys. That one sounds too much like a musical instrument if you ask me (Xylysphone anyone?)
But the question begs to be asked again/ why are Zs and Xs so cool? Perhaps because we find Mellus so cool? Didn’t get it? I mean/ itz zo zimble! Mind it! Instead/ just forget it. Usual apologies apply.
Anyhoo/ Fuck all Zese. Lets talk about the place itself. It was Salsa night (Samba night?) and I really dislike that cha-cha kinda music/ not to mention grooving to these Spanish types is not as easy as leg-shaking to our ole Himes bhai’s tunes. I was at Poly-Esters the other day/ and I ended up liking this amazingly funny Himes song which goes ‘Ahoon ahoon ahoon! Ahoon ahoon ahoon! Ahoon ahoon ahoon ahoon/ ahoon ahoon aahh!’ Can you beat those lyrics? And yet it was such a hit on the floor – and it was really danceable (dancy?). So I say gimme Himes anyday over this Spanish/Latin-A tango samba thingies. Of course if I were to actually master those steps I am sure I would be dancing to a different tune/ so don’t hold me to thees!

That’s it for now folks. Later tonight/ we explore the curious case of the Buffalo Man from Dhaka. Sublime or Facile? Stay tuned!

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